An Aberration from Myself !

Writing a blog is probably distinctively different from writing a diary, a real papyrus diary. I still remember the days when I religiously used to jot down my life beads into the leaves of “MANU’, my sweetheart calendar-diary, providing opportunity of secretive gossips to my dearest Dost log. It continued as an inseparable part of my very being for over 3 years till the day I realized that unknowingly it had become my weakness. Probably coz I had been a bit too open with it. Probably coz I concentrated my trust upon it only. So, after an unfortunate verbose with one of my roomies (nobody to blame here. It was bound to happen anyways!)I simply stopped writing it. In the fury of disgust (!)I also turned to ashes one of them and later drowning it page by page…Life! Noah who seems to be super-strong emotionally was found to be absurdly weak that forgettable day, crying like a child while tearing away leaves of my memories. Since that day a lot of water has flown in Ganges and here I am still on with the stupid thing bout my sweet ol’ diary when I was supposed to write something else.

In any case, the idea crept from the stolen discussion from somewhere else that whatever we write in a blog should be true to the senses or not. Should it be an eclipsed version of pre-meditated thought flow? Should it necessarily be a contemplated mis-representation of our high brow understanding? Even after grappling with the issue for over an hour of analog time stances, I find myself baffled, confused, indecisive; all at the same time. Thus here I am, again resting upon my intuitive demeanor to voluntarily let off with the matter arrested inside my stupid unaccommodating cardiac mechanism.

For the past few days something has been troubling me, if not disturbing. It is regarding the phenomenon of “Individual Behavior in Social Machinery”. To understand it better let me take an example. Let us assume Ms X has been working for a particular non-profit organisation/system which is expected to serve the interest of masses without expecting any personal gains in return. Her work entitles her to take decisions on behalf of others and entail long/short term impact on the concerned gentry. Now the issue is that what should be the guided behavior of such an individual, both personally and professionally? Also, even if the motives are not at fault, what is the guarantee that the decisions taken by her would not be detrimental to the masses? What is the assurance that her personal ego would not bring wrath to the lives of many? In addition to all these, what if she can charm her way up the ladder to the top and bring down the democracy? What if her negative energy is destroying the camaraderie of the fellow workers?

These questions might not have a direct bearing upon my life but then they do have objective relevance for many of us. Today, at this juncture of life when the zenith of organized education has been achieved by many, these questions should appear to have some relevance if not whole. At this point of life, a person as careless and carefree like me sometimes puts a great deal of strain as to come out victorious and unscathed when faced by such things. I remember having written somewhere that my Big cousin Bro had once said that “an MBA would enable you to see the world in a new light, but trust me MANU, you would not like the world you gonna’ see” This is one of the many times I am realizing the force behind those words. I just have done away with a 2 year long stint with PCom at the institute and these words kept on ringing in my ears all the time with a nerve cracking decibel.

I still am not sure what is the remedy to the concerns stated above though to my understanding it can only be done through rigorous self-monitoring. And this monitoring should not be pseudo in any manner. When holding an office of social favors which requires high level of integrity, one should make an extensive check upon himself/herself as in whether he/she would be able to swim through the ethically testing times. As in, if the person would be able to keep communal cause over his/her own set of egoistic beliefs. As in, if the person would be able to stay calm where fury rules.

I am skeptical and unsure of what I have jotted down over here .But then I would not mind taking credit of one thing. I might not like the world I see after MBA, but I am contended with the feeling of having cleared off such a world with my integrity strongly tied to my cuffs. Listening Gaurav Tomar !!! 7 damn long years. You have still not lost the bet!