Very Random me !!!

It doesn't happen quite often that I come out of a movie and feel intellectually evoked. Guess that's 'coz I don't happen to see intelligent cinema any more or plays for that matter. This Saturday I had this pleasant types feeling after watching ROCK ON!!! No, the movie is no provoker kinda’ stuff or like that. It just made me think. Think about a fact which normally doesn’t cross my mind v freq... I was just wondering if all of us actually are doing what we wanted to do in our resp lives. Are we doing something which is keeping us happy, ‘coz we always wanted to pursue it or are we just flowing with this torrent called Life? Its open ended!

The other day this wonderful lady called Gini on Meow 104.8 FM was discussing a similar topic in her show. I was surprised to learn that not even a damn single soul said confidently that he/she is doing something that makes him/her happy. It was damn thought-provoking, disturbing and surprising; all at the same time. I am just wondering if a majority of population actually is feeling the same syndrome that I am feeling just now. If that is the case then it absolutely is very unfortunate. As bad as it could get!!!

Ok, for that matter am I doing what I had dreamt of??? Well, I don’t think so. My dreams always had a vocation somewhere else. Probably in the quarters of Administrative Services but then leave it. But what is more important is whether if I am enjoying to the fullest whatever I am doing at present which is Banking.

Banking as such was never my type of sector, neither is it something I would put my heart totally into. Guess I am doing it just ‘coz I want to survive. And this is one reason I am not able to extract the best out of me. I am just doing whatever is sufficiently enough to keep me going. Trust me, the moment I will develop a sense of belongingness to this sector, I would be an impossible chase. But how much time its’ gonna’ take, whether it is gonna happen or not. All these questions are dwindling unanswered. Cool hai yaar.Chill!

In any case, just back from Book Fair. After a very very very long time got so much involved with books, my first love. It was just so comforting, soothing in the company of literature, fiction, science, philosophy and History. I wanted to buy so many of them but with my budget could get hold of only a couple of Hindi lit and likewiz.Guess this is one thing that makes me happy...HeHeHe…Looking forward to build on my own library some day. May be very soon ;-)

Gotta’ retire to bed. Monday blues are already gripping me. What crap…It is gonna’ be a tough Monday. So many questions after a bad month .Hello Up there …SOS !!! :-(

Life is all about the turns you take !!!

Life, as I see is all about the turns you take. I have entered into numerous serious arguments over this belief more than a couple of times. In most cases, the conflict was life is not made up of turns only. Its’ also about a contemplated beginning, a pre-decided destination and an infinitesimally long road. I somehow could never agree for the reason that my life in particular has been crafted basis the turns I took in my life or the turns I was forced to take during the course. I mean philosophically the two rationales may seem alike but practically they are altogether different.

If I may take an example out of my life only, then I started out as another nobody who propelled off with a dream of joining armed forces like several other nobodies of my age. Even prepared like hell for RIMC Examination but could not appear in the same as due to some postal strike or something my application form never reached their offices. Back to datum, I then committed my heart to Sainik School but the dream just lived out the life of a caterpillar. My run for IAS was wiped off by some uncontrolled personal issues in year ’00 and even the catch line of becoming the best Civil-ian (i.e. Civil Engg) in the country after having passed out from one of the best Engg Institutes was shown the reality mirror by one lovely corporate. I guess that was the day I took the last spontaneous decision of my life. Quitting two jobs within a span of 4 hours and return to home the very next day. That was probably the turn that I took because I had no faith in the road laid ahead for me by fate. Guess it has not been a decision that has gone way too haywire till date. Its’ not been a disaster at leastJ But post that day, I have never been able to gather strength to take decisions which are tough, hard hitting and trying. I have probably become a bit too over cautious. Guess that is ‘coz with maturity you start weighing stuffs and then decision making becomes an altogether different ball game. Although I don’t have any qualm or whatever but there are times when I actually miss my tensile strength to create a ripple in the envio.

Even today when I try to re-define the way I work, the biggest hindrance that comes is my loss of spontaneity, in terms of decisions in terms of actions. There are two traits in personality that I admire the most; one, to take a stand against the wind and two, to live upto the decision by giving it your best. I have been a person with these traits in the past and trust me, the outcomes might not be very rewarding in the beginning but the satisfaction and confidence you get is just immense.

I guess I have lost enough on personal and professional front due to losing track of all the turns my life needed and just kept on traveling aimlessly. Have recently started re-aligning everything. Just hope the milestones would have waited for me all the while. They ideally should have ‘coz they are my own milestones, of my own life Rite?