Tell me truly, have you ever felt a sense of absolute failure? A feeling of dismal surrender to fate and an inherent frustration of not been able to either revoke or change the course of life; yours or somebody else’s. Have you ever felt so lonely in your heart that nothing seems like invoking any kind of positive vibe inside you? Have you ever felt that only if you had respected the timelines and honored the commitments, somebody would have had atleast died peacefully?
Frankly admitting, this is all that is going within me since day before. Ever since the moment I realized that I have lost probably my strongest support system amongst friends and my fiercest morale booster. That I have lost a person who made me sing at the top of my voice at midnight and calmed me at the time of fury. That I will never again see the person who 
had traveled all the way to Roorkee from Kanpur just so that I challenge the odds (read schemes) and participate in a particular competition, without complaining even once. That I would no longer feel the warmth of a true well wisher who would hug me every day as if it was an entirely new chapter of life and we both need to spread as much love by the time dusk takes over. That I will hear no more from a person whose songs would creep inside one’s heart and render it all the more reason to beat, rhytmically.That I have lost my brother, my friend and my family. That I have lost Jeetu, no, infact Major Jitender Rathore, a guy who loved his country more than any damn thing in this world. More than his family,me,himself. And no, you are amiss if you think he was an army-man. He was a civilian, like you and me, just a bit more civilized.
I simply am not able to fathom that Jeetu is no more because the more I think of it, the more I feel deprived of life. The more I try to run away from his thoughts, the more I find him around, smiling at me, cheering my spirits up ,the way he was doing during our last conversation , exactly 2 weeks before he left. I was so damn happy to hear of him that I kept my phone on speaker as to let Priyanka listen to him and feel the flurry of emotive gestures. I was ecstatic. So was he, telling me about his life, his new to-be job and more than that his marriage been fixed. And then he talked about “SANKALP” something that though named by me was his dream. A dream of better India and even better Indians. A dream about changing the way WE live and a dream about setting new Ethical benchmarks. Both of us alongwith Manish,Lalchandra and Akhilesh had an elaborate discussion on this, the last time he had come down to Delhi in August and the task of writing the prologue was left to me. I had promised a timeline of 15 days then. Its been over 9 months and I am still to start with the same. Every time Jeetu would call me I bloody would tell him that I am not able to find time for it as it needs dedicated hours. I would do 100 odd things but would find no time to start with Jeetu’s dream project. My foot!!! Even during our last call, he requested me to formalize the same so that the same can be initiated and again I just procrastinated it. For the bloody nth time I did it.
And Lo ! today, here I am, still sitting on the idea when the person who had dreamt of it has left with the same in his eyes. I know this would have been one last desire of his during his last breaths and I was damn doing nothing. Or maybe he would have had left any hope. Whichever way, I am a defeated, humiliated and regretful soul. I have not been a good friend to him. the way he was to me. Trust me Jeetu, wherever you are, I would never do this again to anybody, I promise. Please forgive me one last time. I will make sure that your dream takes shape and marks a step towards making our country, your country a better place to live. Just forgive me one last time. Please. Please hug me one more time and make me sing – JAB ZERO DIYA MERE BHARAT NE!!! Please,I promise I will not be discordant and will sing along. Please.
Love you always.
Mocho !
