Relationships : Akin to Jigsaw puzzles or Valency

​

The times that we live in are strange. The narratives suited to the world are well ingrained right from the childhood, through movies, books, ‘Adult’ conversations and beliefs. Which is why most of these remain unchallenged throughout our lives, till we encounter a small optional turn in the road somewhere which has a sign that says - Try this route this time, maybe. And that’s when some of the rethinking happens. Like this. 

One of the narratives we have gotten comfortable with over time is that finding a partner or even a friend is like finding missing pieces of a jigsaw puzzle from the same box. It is the quest of One who will fit, right there, perfectly, like nothing had ever fit better before. Someone who will complete the picture and rekindle the joy of living and fruition of this very quest. Just that one piece, that will make every thing right from there on. That one piece of our individual jigsaw puzzle. Makes sense! 

Makes sense, completely, but then is this all of it? Is this all that any relationship needs? Seeking a partner who fits? Is that how humans operate in practical world? Here I am not referring to an ideal state but to a more plausible (read practical) state. The actual state of affairs if I may take liberty to say so. And thus my hypothesis is slightly different. I equate human relationships with the concept of Valency and best illustrated through Lewis Dot Diagram, back from our Chemistry days.

But to begin with what is Valency and Lewis Dot Diagram. The combining capacity of an atom or group to form a compound is known as its valency. So the valency of Sodium is 1 and valency of Chlorine is -1 and thus they can combine to form a stable compound NaCl, more commonly known as Common Salt, stable enough to to consume. Lewis Dot Diagram is how this combination is represented pictorially. 

Image Credit : Off Google search

To make it clearer, Super-active Sodium with 1 extra electron in it’s last orbit gives it to Super-active Chlorine which has 7 electrons in the last orbit which makes them both have 8 electrons each in their respective last orbits and the combined compound NaCl is thus Super-stable. 

Quite straightforward to understand and put to practice if we draw a parallel to relationships. In most relationships, where we seek that one missing piece of jigsaw puzzle, the problem is that it is too specific a quest and too momentous a burden on just that one piece. The expectations are unreal and so the outcomes rarely live up to them. Also pictures formed through a jigsaw puzzle are stable only till they are on terra firma. In principle they are still individual loose piece which are meaningless individually. Not a great feeling at all. Mostly is relatable also. 

That does not hold true with stable compounds that are formed with exchange of electrons. The responsibilities are shared and so is the gravity of partnership. The stability is at the highest because the very reason these were formed in the first place was because there was an innate desire in both the elements (or group of atoms) to lose hyperactivity and be stable. And while doing so, ensuring that the outcome is more useful to world in general and them in particular. 

But at the very beginning of this text I also asserted that this is also a more plausible approach, a practical one at that. This assertion is because it does not ignore completely the influence of external forces. Change in circumstances such as heat, electrolysis or polar solvents can break the bond of NaCl for that matter, though it is a Super-strong bond, even from chemical standards. H2O, i,e, water, breaks down much more easily. Depends on the strength of the bond and external circumstances mostly. 

But this theory allows for the provision of some bonds getting weaker and open to reacting with other elements or compounds over time. Which is when the strength of the bonds is tested. Some elements fleet through their life and still do not end up finding a partner with who they can form a long lasting stable bond, some settle down quick, some flip from time to time. I have come to believe that all human types are covered well within the Mendeleev’s table. 

But then ofcourse this is one way of looking at it. I am sure there are numerous other ways to look at relationships and no one one way is right. Somehow I relate much better to Science than Heresy and thus the need to put this blog down for me to keep coming back to it and refresh if there is a change in how I feel about it many decades later. Having said that, if you are reading it right now, do ping up to discuss your viewpoints. Would love to know your sentiments on this.

~ #IcarusSays 

चाय

 चाय!

मैंने चाय की तासीर को बदलते देखा है। 

ग़ुस्से से बनायी गयी चाय। 

प्यार से बनायी गयी चाय से अलग होती है। 

आँच का फ़र्क होता है। 

बाहर बाल्कनी में पैर रेलिंग के ऊपर रख के पी गयी चाय,

अंदर AC कमरे में सोफ़े पर क़रीने से बैठ के पी गयी चाय से अलग होती है। 

ताप का फ़र्क़ होता है। 

अलग होती है, चुस्की लेके, बिस्किट डुबो के पी हुई चाय,

जिसमें कब बातें घुल जाती हैं,

और कब बिस्किट, 

पता ही नहीं चलता। 

शायद जज़्बात का फ़र्क़ होता है। 

और फ़र्क बता देती है चाय

Litmus Paper की तरह। 

क्षारीय और अम्लीय तबीयत में। 

क्यूँकि चाय में सिर्फ़ हाथ और साथ का फ़र्क़ होता है। 

Lets Travel!

Lets travel. 

But not the way travellers do. 
Or the kind sailors prefer. 
Not even the kind that philosophers choose to. 
Lets travel. 
The way birds do. 
Oblivious of the route. 
And sheer disregard towards the destination.  
Just for the pure joy of flight. 
Because that’s all they know. 

Lets travel. 
To clear the head. 
And sanctify the soul. 
To let heartbeats catchup with cerebral scintillations. 
And breaths slow down to the pace of an ordinary life. 
To help rediscover the life that we claim to store within. 
And repent having lost somewhere over past few decades. 

Lets travel. 
So that we uncomplicate, untangle, unwind. 
The threads that bind our sanity to our consciousness. 
And allow the strings tethered to the ground be snapped off. 
Lets do all that and more. 
——

I think...

I think…

I think we, Humans, take things for granted.

Things that people do for each other.

Things that people do with each other; and also,

Things people do to each other.

We take them all for granted; till.

Till these things are pulled away.

One tiny shred at a time.

One fine stray string of linen, hanging to the side of the shroud.

Shroud that covered them, once.

Pulling the string, dissembling the shroud, painlessly (or may be sans-cognition) at first.

And then with vertebrae splattering pain, emanating from memories.

But then I also think that some of them have cracked the code.

To an extent that it is no longer a strain to cope up.

Or heartburn to fizzle out.

It is no longer an ache that unsettles like lovelorn souls.

Or perturbs the very core of beliefs and priorities.

It is also no more a tussle between individualities.

Or the undercurrent of ego and the Notion of self-respect.

It is also a far cry from the slip of words that used to bruise.

Or a mistimed repartee that misfired because, well, it was mistimed.

I think some of them have cracked the code of embracing each other’s shortcomings.

And letting them seep through their judgments, without the risk of being judged.

And then I realize that these people have understood well.

That the strength of people who are together lies in;

The empowerment that they bring to each other.

And the efficiency with which they can accumulate and disperse love.

The urgency that they can show towards concerns, while still keeping arm’s length.

And leniency they can bestow when anyone falters, even to the dismay of personal preferences, at times.

The love that is so underrated that it becomes the undercurrent rather than just a strong-urge.

And trust that comes with experiences and not emotives, over time.

That it is ok to lose battles, even the most important ones.

And be comfortable with the loss, collectively.

I realize that such people have understood well the concept of togetherness.

And have reached the stage of taking pride in the same.

I think, we need more such people.

I think, we should become such people.

Thursday Noons - Not yet Weekend!

Thursday noon is the most treacherous of the lot. 

Hanging amidst the promises of Weekend; 

and rigmarole of one and a half work-day. 

Very finely balancing its existence. 

Like a Chandelier, up the roof, with micro-thread. 

There and still not. Almost. 

Thursday noon, playful, and still matured. 

With half of the mind plotting schemes;

And the other half clotting remnants of crazy week that it was. 

Smiling at its own yet not accomplished triumph. 

Of having survived. Another day. 

Thursday noon, semi-intoxicated. 

With the proposed plans for Friday evening. 

And Saturday, at times. Dabbling with choices. 

Or making them all realise. One at a time. 

Till heart soothes down. With an innate calm. 

And soul pats the back, muttering - "Well done". 

Thursday noons are just fine!

 #CerebralScintillations

Hard-liners never sit on the fences!

For reasons beyond the scope of this specific blog, I have always believed that the very genesis of intrinsic confidence is the power to stick to decisions. Taking that one decision and sticking to it, irrespective of how difficult the journey proves out to be, as long as you are convinced on the broad premise and it renders you peace. That broadly summarizes what has never failed to make me feel stronger, better. And while there have been multiple such decisions that I have taken, primarily over past 20 years, two such decisions standout very clearly, despite of both of them being random to the extent of being hilarious.

§  Year 1994: A 13 year old kid joins his new class (and new school) and gets introduced to his ‘naïve’ classmates reading erotica, hurling vernacular cuss words, harassing girls (sadly) fearlessly and crossing (invisible) boundary of the school (running out of IAF Barracks with two sections in the same room) to venture out into No-entry zones to kill time (or Date).  The culture shock leads him to commit to self that this is what he will never succumb to and it’s been 23 years he has been sticking to it. This was the first tryst of a teenager with vices and their counters.

§  Year 2001: A 20 year old engineering student, addicted to consuming excess common salt needs a push to get rid of the addiction and devises a plan. During the next academic-break, he is dining at home and starts putting salt in the food till his mother notices and decrees that so much salt is not good for health and he should stop putting salt over cooked food. That was the last time he put salt over ‘cooked’ food, even if it is salt-less.

Weird as these examples may sound, their impact on the personal-construct has been immense and hence they still find a recall. Also, for some people ‘Selective Exiting’ leads to ‘Affirmation of Willpower’. As it is articulated in some of Vedic references as well. Try your luck may be? Drop in your experiences.

P.S.: Exited Twitter today. To begin with. 

Metamorphosis!

Walking on a weird trapeze. 

Of being a rouge in the skin of porcelain. 

From being Refined, Chivalrous, Articulate, Clean-shaven.

To Street-smart, Intuitive, Inappropriate, Stubbled

Boys become Men in so many entropic ways. 

Either because of Life. 

Or because of Love. 

And both justify the transition perfectly fine. 

How have you transitioned by the way?

~ M

And that worries me to no end!

Us humans are a very strange specie if you come to think of it. There are times when we let go of our possessions so easily that it may baffle an ascetic but at times there is so much of possessiveness, so much of affinity that the mere thought of disconnecting is unsettling and unacceptable. This further translates into translation loss between definitions of Self Respect and Ego. And translation loss between individuals when it comes to such definitions viz - my self respect is somebody else's ego and vice versa. And the whole concept of Trust per se. I have all my life believed in Trust being a non-negotiable function and not subject to any interpretation. Its Black & White. It is there or it is not. If It is there, then it is there. Almost forever, till it is broken. Broken by an act of default in the relationship. And never by circumstances or distance or discomfort or introduction of new relationships or random vibes. Trust once established is there. Or it should have never been there. People should then accept that there was no trust in the first place. It was possibly an idea of trust. A fancy, malleable  idea of trust that was suited to the need of the hour and very surfacial. The moment relationship started facing heat, it started melting. That 

"Readers, please note. In any relationship, under a normal circumstance, if things start getting heated up, Trust is the last metal to Melt. If it is not so, please step up and accept that there was never a thing called Trust in the first place"

Coming back, what is important is that people are patient. Towards each other. People should relax a bit and let the tide of emotions pass before taking decisions that may leave a dent and at times an irrevocable vacuum. People should hold onto trust and take cue on next step from there. Absorbing the negativity for a while and then just let Trust be a spongeblob, soaking it all in, post-facto. Or just letting Trust bear the accusations upfront and keep their souls light and sans-retribution. People should believe more in the power of Trust than they believe in their own understanding of situations. People should let intuitions run their course before actually reacting. People should be more considerate. People should always put themselves in their people's shoes and then feel the impact of their words and heat of their arguments. People should always Trust their People, indefinitely. Or they just should not believe in the concept of their People. 

Time, this Time, is such that we respect 'Now' more than the 'Past'

Inability to see future clouds our vision, our decisions

And haste of taking decisions makes us achievers but losers

In Long Run, and in Short. 

And that worries me. And perturbs me no end.

Because figment by figment, we will end up chaffing out the layers of relationships.

Layers that protected and nurtured it, over time and tides.

And which now lays naked, on the ground, crying hoarse, for respite.

And that worries me to no end!

---

Time-Travellers

We are all Time-Travellers in a way.

Believing more in Sojourns than in Permanent residences.

Trusting our instincts rather than decisions.

And preferring to commence travel by announcing rather than arriving.

Ruining beautiful thing that Travel evidently is.

We are all Time-Travellers in a way.

Reading Poems, without fastening the seat-belts.

Not believing in the concept of “Poetry in Motion”

Or the giddiness or joyous spring in the stride that a good poetry can bring.

Only scathing surface of the entire sea-bed that writing entails.

We are all Time-Travellers in a way.

Spending our days wandering and nights recuperating.

Rather than spending every single moment of breathing lifetime on traversing.

Travelling inwards, as we travel further, taking deep casting sighs.

And not entrusting our own sense of direction or destination.

And hence at times ruing for not been able to reach the destination

While actually having passed-by the milestone way back, since we were distracted.

We are all Time-Travellers in a way.

And we arguably have learnt to be proud of it.

----

We deserve a much more Fulfilling Life!

We deserve a much more Fulfilling Life!

Days that challenge us to the hilt

But nights that soothe down the fatigue, with gentle caress

And a quilt pulled over the head,

Even in summers, to cut-off from the world

Finding solace in sweat or shivers

We deserve a much more Fulfilling Life!

With Fuel tank filled to the brim

And music, stories streaming in the Car

Anti-thesis to the world outside the window

Or maybe drawing out a parallel sublime world

Creating a new reality, a more acceptable one

We deserve a much more Fulfilling Life!

A travel itinerary that looks more like a rough map drawn by a 7 year old kid

Lines crisscrossing, points overlapping, colors palm-printed

And still making sense to the whole purpose of travelling

Because travel should take one deeper rather than further

Because itineraries choke the conduits to explore beyond imagination

We deserve much more Fulfilling Life!

Full of Mud, Mess, Mingling but never Monotony

Amoebic but with a sense of purpose

And long-hauled walks but with enough rest in-between

Breathing in the air that emanates culture and literature

And exhaling exhilaration that only a seeker can feel

We deserve a much more Fulfilling Life!

~Icarus

My Reader!

My Reader!

I look for you in the quiet spaces between the words.
The mandatory spaces that set two contrarian words apart and make the poetry come alive.

I hold my breath while deftly negotiating the curves of the commas and polite paucity of full-stops.
To reach you. You, who waits for me to walk up and whisper in ears. Mostly in poetry.

I don't know yet if I reach you or you pull me to yourself.
Like while reading a book, its cover wants to peel itself off but reader is either too absorbed to care or too casual to notice.

You are that reader. I am the cover.

Shall we read together? Shall we?

----

The curious case of being a Misfit !

I am an eternal misfit. That's not a statement. That's a realisation. A realisation that stems from an acceptance that is now crying hoarse for its due. An acceptance that should have had happened arguably several years back but for a misplaced notion of linking 'Being Misfit' to 'Being Non Acceptable', which surprisingly was never the case.

In every frame of reference there are two facets, External and Internal. Externally I have always been socially well acceptable and that has probably been accrued from the fact that it's very difficult for me to offend people as long as they don't unduly hard press me against the wall and hence rarely been a problem to stay afloat within a group, externally. However, internally it's always been a tussle. A tussle which is difficult to articulate but let me put through a narrative.

I have a tattoo of Icarus on my upper arm. Icarus, dashing towards Sun, wings firmly clipped this time, unlike Wax in the original mythological narrative. And am asked lot of times on why I ended up getting a non-heroic character inked on me when I could have had chosen anyone from Zeus to Hercules to Nelson Mandela (!). The argument of those who point out this anomaly is not flawed and infact it's a steady argument but for reasons not many can appreciate, I always found Icarus fascinating. Since that day of May 1991 when I first read 'The Background' by Saki wherein Pincini, the most revered master of Tattoo art inked on the back of Henri Deplis, his most brilliant tattoo ever - 'The fall of Icarus '.

Since that summer afternoon Icarus somehow got etched into my psyche and over the years I realised that in many ways I have a tendency to be like the fallen hero. In highly relatable contexts I realised that there is an innate want in me to soar high and mostly with right focus I do, but there is also a tendency to fly too close to the sun. My flight leads me to disconnect from the ground, relationships, reality and at times even self. I also realised that for good reasons I do not allow my flight to cross the realms of dark or turn morally amiss, but irrespective, the course is precarious. So with hits and misses (probably hundreds of them), I kind of settled for an equilibrium and that was when I decided to get the Icarus inked on me. To remind me of what I am and where can that lead me to. And that accrues to me the tendency to be a misfit.

In general settings I have been attuned to tone self down as not to intimidate (yes, that's correct) others but I do realise that it's not my normal demeanour. And that thus leads to duality or ambivalence. Having said that, the extent of misfit is worrying. Add to that the fact that hand on heart I don't perfectly trust anyone, except self. So a semi-trusting misfit who is confident only when my heart gives it a Go. Sigh.

Am I worried? Certainly not.
Do I make an effort to fit-in? Not one instance I can recall.
Is this an approach I would like people close to me to have ? Absolutely not.

I think it's ok to be a bit weird. It's better than not being at peace with yourself. It's also better than being another run of the mill product probably.

Till I understand it better, let me stay a Misfit. Maybe this piece is meant to fit-in in the end! May be! 

Without saying a word, you can light up the dark ...

Without saying a word, you can light up the dark.
Sans blood and breath, you can pump up the heart.
Its unbelievable at times, how you understand it all.
At times I trip just so that, you can halt my fall.

There are times when you say, "how can You be aloof amidst crazy noise".
Why's it so difficult to see that with you, am just listening to your eyes.
When your eyes do the talking, surrounding world takes the back seat.
And then you naively ask me, "M., do I still make you miss a beat".

There are milestones I pursue and achieve, yet never feel the high.
Then there is this random brush of your hair, that still makes me sigh.
There are evenings that I have spent, just looking at you through the rainbow of drinks.
And have noticed you catching me every single time, when I somehow forgot to blink.

Years are mere numbers (Six,today, right?), occasions just shallow instances, their significance just evaporates, as we grow.
Loving can be limited to days, occasions, is something that I critically(and sadly) don't know :-).
But do continue to express your will, through your sublime smile and love set glazed.
Because just being with you and to experience all of above, has an ineffable intoxication and keeps me dazed.

~ Manu

Julley Leh! It was awesome getting LEH'ed !!!

As I somehow begin to jot my thoughts down, I am almost certain it will again turn out into a travelogue, which, is a dreadful thought. It’s not that I don’t like putting down notes about the places I travel to. It’s just that One - I don’t write too many blogs anyways and thus travelogues are the only posts that are there on my homepage to judge-me-on if someday Booker Committee is looking through random blogs to scout the next esteemed winner you see. Who knows maybe, why take a chance. And Two - Because I don’t think I really do justice to Travelogues. I mix too many things - Unwarranted, Unrequited. So my less than 3 regular readers, you still have a choice,whether to spend next few minutes of your lifetime to browse Twitter, Metacafe, FB etc lest you be interested in reiterative useless piece of writing. (See I am giving links also here for your convenience. Social Service Award anyone? No? Ok!)

LEH, Capital of Ladakh. State – J & K... Dear Bucket List. Here goes another one. Swoosh! 

Alas! Anti climax to your expectations (!), I think Leh was 'Okay'. I mean yes it was a different kind of adventure-oriented experience and I seriously witnessed stuffs I had not witnessed earlier but still I somehow found it - Average. Or may be as is something wrong with my hard-wiring, I believe I was expecting a bit too much or  probably 'coz Gangotri - Gomukh Trek has no comparison, whichever be the case, that is how I felt then and still feeling. But having said that, I also believe that it is certainly a place worth visiting once. Its Wet- Dry - Cold - Hot (Yes trust me when I say this) - Windy - Still ... Beautiful! 

Experiences! Leh, is a place that calls for just letting yourself be. It’s testing but protective. I still remember, during the preparations for the trip, I repeatedly told everyone to be prepared for AMS (Acute Mountain Sickness), Breathlessness, Anxiety et al and despite of that when I reached there, I was the one who got sick first. Thanks to loads of research, I just allowed myself to relax as much as possible and let Leh teach me how to breath. So exactly a day later I was fit like never before (while some of the other folks were still battling the mild symptoms). And never took to any altitude sickness again. Guess that is the ‘Cue’ there. Just take it easy and don’t overdo yourself. Let Nature take over and Let yourself drift, lightly, without offering inertia !

Bikers! That’s kind of a synonym for this place. You go anywhere, you will find riders in flocks heading towards one or the other terrain. Just kind of fitting into the landscape. Not to be missed if you plan to go there.

Touristy Thing! Some of the places like Khardung-La & Chang-La are definitely worth a visit. You will get an approximate 'near-iota' idea of what life is for armed forces personnel. RESPECT. While the former falls when you drive towards Nubra Valley (An over-hyped place-Diksit,Hunder), the latter is on Leh-Pangong Lake route. Ya! Ya! The 3 Idiot Lake, if that makes you happy. Beautiful but again over-hyped location. :-) And yes, should you need to know, this Lake has appx 150 km spread, only one-third of which is in India. And also that this lake is considered as sacred so think twice before chilling your Godfather (Leh's answer to Kingfisher beer) here. Just in case.

My High-points of the Trip? Well actually couple of them;

• Visiting Phyang Monastery and spending over 2 hours there, debating origin and traverses of Buddhism with Head Lama amidst ongoing preparations for Revd Dalai Lama's visit 2 days later. 
• Visiting Shanti Stupa at 5:30 am in the morning and getting a feel that World is nothing but a figment of our imaginations. The only place I ever felt completely disconnected from everything else,worldly.
• Visiting Hemis Monastery and feeling the sensation which you only get when you are at a place different from others. As per my research (thank you thank you), this is place where the documentary proofs of Jesus’ stay in India were archived for ages. Apparently Christ spent his youth in Kashmir learning whatever Buddhism had to offer. Don’t believe. Read New Testament & Bodhisattva’s teachings and trace the striking similarities.
• Random Bike Rides - Pick Enfield 350 cc and just let it be. It just enhances the whole experience.
• Border road organisation (BRO) – Amazing efforts of building roads through all so magnificent mountains. Respect. And hats off to those who crafted your captions – e.g. – I am Curvaceous, Please Handle my Curves with Care; Darling I like you but not so Fast; and so many others.
• People - Interact with locals. Its therapeutic...

 It was indeed a memorable trip and if I were to summarize it all in 3 pointers they would be;

1. Immense Respect to Armed Forces for everything. You will know what I mean when you visit Leh, once.
2. Peace cannot be sought outside. Its always within your own self.
3. We, humans are nothing. Absolutely Nothing in the magnanimous design of Universe.

Julley Leh. You were lovely and it was awesome getting LEH’ed there …

----

Shanti Stupa

Where Skies are as clear as Hearts!

Buddha@Shanti Stupa

Beauty & The Bridge ! @ Camel Safari,Hunder

Pangong

Saffron spread enroute Hemis Monastery

Flakes!

Flights of Fantasy !

Those for whom LEH is not a touristy circuit!

Traverses !

Buddha @ Diksit Monastery

Blooming Beauty!

Canopy !

Hemis Monastery